what is life?

i feel trapped in so many ways
trapped within my mind
trapped within my soul
trapped within my body
trapped within the walls of my house
and of the walls of my doctors

i am ordered to get out to do normal things for my health
but how can i obey?
i am imprisoned forever it seems
i can only sit up for 2 hours at most
i have no time for anything not even needed doctors

i wish for life
i wish to make a difference in tis world
i wish for people know that disabled people are not helpless
but yet hear i am helpless imprisoned and longing to know the world out side
i look through a window into the lives of others
i know not their ways
i know not how they live nor what they do
this is aggravating

healthy people take for granted so many things i struggle to do day by day
i wish to teach them of our life of how we live
how can i do this if i am in bed?
what is my purpose in this life of pain and confusion

why is life so confusing?

i have been feeling like i have no purpose in live! i live in a world of doctors and lots of rest, my pain only gets worse, my muscles wont agree with my joints im in so much pain even though my muscles are getting stronger my joints get worse its terribly confusing. i am not able to work im not able to go to collage at the moment i cant really go out due to pain and i feel so useless it makes me restless... i don't expect people to understand what my head is going through its a big jumbled up mess i cant sort out, i long to do something good in the this world and how can i do that if i cant get out of bed or sit up for longer then an hour. what good am i? i don't want to be one of those people who gives up on life just because i have elhers danlose and hurt all the time i want to make the world a better place but how can i in  a bed? am i really any good to this world? what can i do? i need something of meaning to do or i am no good to this world... a friend said she will bring me to Joni and friends Arizona to meet her friends there, says my testimony will be good for them says my determination to be the best person i can will be a good thing but i feel useless right now. i wish god would tell me what to do... me and god haven't been so great right now which is another confusing mess i need to sort out in my crazy brain.. reading the bible is hard to do and praying im so out of practice.. i feel close to god and and yet far away... nothing in life seems to make sense, i hate it...